“Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.”

“unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep”  – my daily unix command list

“… one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.” – Robert Firth

“If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise.”

“The more I C, the less I see.”
“To err is human… to really foul up requires the root password.”

“After Perl everything else is just assembly language.”

“If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.”

“Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.”

“Unix is user-friendly. It’s just very selective about who its friends are.”

“COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.”

“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz

“There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.”

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – This is not humorous by itself; but in the context it’s a classic by Bill Gates in 1981

Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.”

“Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer.”   - Erik Naggum

“Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell.”

“SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.”

“Windows95: It’s like upgrading from Reagan to Bush.

“People say Microsoft paid 14M$ for using the Rolling Stones song ‘Start me up’ in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn’t use the line ‘You’ll make a grown man cry’.”

“I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly”

“A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light”

“The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2.”

“A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila”

“1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d”

“To go forward, you must backup.”

“I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code”

“A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.”

“My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.”

“Better to be a geek than an idiot.”

“Windows isn’t a virus, viruses do something.”

“Geek’s favorite pickup line: Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform? “

“Be nice to geeks when you’re in school, you might end-up working for one when you grow-up.”

“Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.”

“Evolution is God’s way of issuing upgrades.”

“The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.”

“It’s a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.”

“The box said ‘Required Windows 95 or better’. So, I installed LINUX.”

“Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows.”

“Mac users swear by their Mac,
PC users swear at their PC.”

“Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.”

“Real men don’t use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.”  – Linus Torvalds

“There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don’t, and those that confuse it with binary.”

“If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.”

“It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.”

“I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: ‘Outlook not so good’. I said: ‘Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway’.”

“The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.”

“The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot.”

“Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.”

“The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.”

“Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.”

• Download this Google app to sync your BlackBerry with Gmail: Google Sync on your mobile phone
• Check your Gmail account to make sure everything is loaded into it.
• Activate your Droid
• Hook up your gmail account – make sure sync is set to on
• All done – your contacts are now on your new Droid

The slightly longer way if you have already disconnected service:

• Sync you BlackBerry to your computer using BlackBerry Desktop Manager (instructions here: Syncing Outlook contacts with your Blackberry )
• Your contacts will now be in Outlook
• Continue on to this: Export Contacts from Outlook and Import to Droid (Android 2.0)

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they discovered that pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 million developing the ball point pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300C.

When confronted with the same problem, the Russians used a pencil.

Lesson : Think out of box.

Dear Bubba:

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

For heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Bubba

It works that way…

To Make it speak street names:

1. From the Main menu, select ‘Tools’.
2. From the tools menu, select ‘Settings’.
3. From the Settings menu select ‘Language’
4. From the Language menu, click on the button under the ‘Voice’ label.
5. Select a voice where the name ends in ‘(TTS)’. If the voice is not labeled as ‘TTS’ it will not speak street names. Click OK a few times to accept your new preferences.

On top of that Oil reserves in Libya are highest in Africa. Oil Reserves in Iran, according to its government is third largest in the world. Oil reserves in the Iraq will be the largest in the world if we calculate recent seismic data.

So it’s no need to write anything more because we can easily think what is going on in the world and for what.

Harmeet Sidhu

* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

* War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

* Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

* I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

* I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

* A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

* Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

* There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

* You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

* Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

* A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

* I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Collected From Internet.